Rising from Pain to Power, Love and Healing

A very empowering event is taking place around our globe on Vday,  this Valentines day,  February 14th, 2013.  See http://www.onebillionrising.org
The One Billion Rising Vday event is to end sexual violence and violence against women. One In Three Women On The Planet will be Raped or beaten in her life time.
One Billion Women Violated Is An Atrocity.
One Billion Women Dancing Is A Revolution.
One Billion rising is :A global strike, An invitation to dance, A call to men and women to refuse to participate in the status quo until rape and rape culture ends, An act of solidarity, demonstrating to women the commonality of their struggles and their power in numbers, A refusal to accept violence against women and girls as a given,


A new time and a new way of being.

Well I am sorry to say it happened to me on December 2nd 2012. I was away with friends on holiday in the Eastern Cape, in a remote and beautiful location, Sinangwana, near Coffee bay.  I was assaulted and raped at knife point by 4 men. It was bad-shocking but I am glad I was not injured or killed. Four men broke the door down where I was sleeping. They were carrying long curved knives and in the darkness shone bright lights in my face.
Throughout the experience I saw myself as a sacred being, I knew that deep in my core, I saw them as well as sacred beings.  Somehow in the terror that kept me calm. I left my body probably much of the time but was  aware- trying to create a field of peace.

There were 4 men – finally 2 left and then there was one. They had been angry there were not many valuables in my room-  I told the final man, ‘I am from England, I came here to work for a charity, an NGO to help your people, for a HIV project’- all of which is true.  He then said, ‘I feel very bad and sorry hearing this. It is very bad what I have done.’ He said, ‘You will never forgive me.’ I said, ‘It is bad what you have done, you cannot undo it but from NOW on, you can do goodness. I forgive you now.’ I felt he received my words and then he left.
It’s been quite a journey since that time- hard to write about yet somehow we must break the silence, the shame, on this terrible thing that sadly is happening far too often on our beautiful planet.
It’s time to cut through all shame, fear and guilt. In Egypt if a woman is raped, she may then be murdered by her own family to protect her ‘honour’. This is madness.
There is a global uprising, emerging from the Congo, India, Philippines, and spreading all over the planet to end violence against women and girls, to end gang rape, incest and other violence.  There will be a global flash mob of one billion people on Valentines Day.

Woman, the Divine Feminine is rising up, that includes the Divine feminine in Men too, this nightmare is horrific to both men and women and it has to stop.

We are now making an unstoppable river that says No, Enough!

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After the rape, I was taken to the nearest township hospital and given Anti Retroviral medication (ARV’S) to take. The nightmare deepens when we remember that the incidence of HIV in many rural areas in SA is as high as 90%, with many people not bothering to get tested. I was told I needed to take ARV’s for 28 days. The standard practise is to give 3 lots to really ensure if there is any HIV that it gets zapped. In my heart I felt I was clear, but friends and family said it was not an option for me to not take them. I never take medication, as a homeopath and holistic health practitioner, so I am very sensitive to allopathic drugs. These ARV’s made me extremely sick and this was almost as much a trauma as the actual rape and attack itself. My body could not tolerate these drugs- I had extreme pain in my liver, kidneys , my whole body felt sick as a dog, and my brain was not able to function properly. I took many supplements, herbs and homeopathic remedies, to help but really I felt like I was being poisoned and could see and feel myself collapsing. I actually stopped them early and it still took me weeks to recover.

It took 10 days to get back to Cape Town; I was very vulnerable as I was actually between homes and so staying with friends. My daughter came from England to be with me for 2 1/2 weeks which was a great support. Friends from around the world and family were sending me so much love and healing which I gratefully  received, am still receiving. However I did notice, in Cape Town, apart from a few incredible exceptions, there was a distinct lack of empathy or presence, about what had happened to me. I realised in South Africa there is so much trauma and crime there is a certain amount of desensitisation and overwhelm.  I actually received most of my emotional support on Skype and phone with friends from overseas.

I was terrified of being alone. of the dark, of sharp knives, of loud bangs (they’d broken the door down) and alarms kept going off around me which really did not help.  I really needed a home/sanctuary to retreat to with kind people.  I was not really able to properly articulate my needs and look after myself.

Thankfully when I had tests for HIV and various diseases that could have been contracted, my results were negative apart from some of the effects of the ARV’s, bladder and kidney infection, anaemia and raised liver enzymes. I was having high fevers at night and  finally took an antibiotic which did clear this. I was so grateful to have the negative HIV test results; it felt like a great weight had been lifted off me and I was getting my life back. I was still extremely weak from the shock, the trauma and from the effects of those strong drugs.

Another grace happened, a dear friend here in SA emailed her network about what had happened to me and they raised some money for me- so helpful to pay for the supplements and healing sessions I had. Out of that I was given the opportunity to come and rest and heal at a beautiful retreat centre in the little Karoo about 260 k’s from Cape Town.  See http://magicmountainsretreat.com/  I have been blessed with a healing, grounded, loving sanctuary,with kind and gentle people, where in divine timing, no rushing, self loving, I am deeply healing what happened to me.

 
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Now I am deeply grateful to be feeling strong and well.  I have been doing much processing, focused healing work and specific meditations to release anger and sadness .(from Kundalini yoga). There has been so much kindness and many incredible healing sessions. One of my lessons is to give myself empathy and receive. I had a lot of rage and anger about peripheral things, the situation, poverty, politics, corruption, about the absent security guards but it took a long time to actually reach my anger and rage towards the men who raped me.

As a child especially I learnt to please people and be there for others and to see their side, but not always to reach me. Now to get to the Me, the Michaela who was raped, violated and abused took some time and support.  I also needed support to find my Warrior woman again and say No this is not OK and to release that anger, rage, pain and sadness.  I’ve used many tools for my healing journey,  EFT, crystal sound, shamanic healing sessions, counselling, EMDR, body talk, journalling, absent healing sessions, quantum touch healing.meditations etc I am excited and grateful to say these things work.

 As this blog is becoming long, I am going to write in much more detail about Forgiveness in my next one. Forgiveness  has been the focus of my work for the last 15 years. Lots is unfolding as I become strong and whole again, I am beginning to see the gift in this. I’m wondering why this happened to me? All my life although I have sometimes been in dangerous situations, I have felt safe.

My going through this and being a voice can perhaps lead and be a light for others who are also releasing this wounding whether current or from the past. In this experience I also feel my deep connection to our beautiful Earth and see in how many ways she is being raped and violated and also it must stop. We must activate our voices and will together  to restore harmony, wholeness and joy.

Peace and Namaste

Michaela Crystal Heart

Rising from Pain to Power, Love and Healing